Living

"What kind of life am I living and what kind of life I want to live actually?''

These two questions have been lingering around me for months.

and I am still searching the right answers to it.

I don't know.

The only answer I could figure out right now is to be grateful for everything and always see the bright side of things you encounter.

My life wasn't that crumple nor broken to begin with.

I am definitely surrounded by good parents, friends and colleagues. Having my own home and space to keep living. Having good company by my side. Able to eat nice foods everyday, while there are people who struggle on those. I shouldn't complaint anything regarding my life.

Alhamdulillah, I am grateful enough for it.

But this questions always come back to me whenever I saw different kind of life and happiness they are living. It is like I live in my own definition of happiness or perhaps different universe of life.

How is it different?

Example,

We are celebrating Eid Fitr. The exact same celebration for all.

But in different ways?

They be wearing new and very beautiful clothes to take pictures together with big family, going to mosque together to perform Eid prayer in the morning, having chaotic morning while getting ready, doing the traditional salam raya, receiving duit raya afterwards, visiting lots of houses and openhouses.

But mine is completely opposite. The fact that I don't even remember how I celebrate raya the past years?? What did I wear the past years actually?? Is it normal or am I being too sentimental with these simple small things?

There is no walking to mosque, the salam raya and all. My first raya would be sitting on the couch and scrolling my phones to see updates from my friends.

BUT alhamdulillah I am grateful YaRabb for having my parents by my side, eating homecooked meals together on one table in the morning.

It was just a bit dull and empty. I am envious.

All in all, I believe that everyone has their own path, and it would never be the same for anybody. and I should be grateful for my life. No one going to live their life perfectly, I guess. It just the way we see it on different angle that develop those unpleasant feeling.

Nauzubillah, may Allah protect me and my family from evil hearts and eyes.

Deen, 20.

23 March 2025